Think about this for a second; does your guy tend to act… detached? Is he aloof? Is his mind elsewhere, even when you’re together? Do you feel lonely, even when he’s right there on the other side of the bed? Is your man emotionally unavailable, is he an ass, or is something going on with him? Why don’t you find out? I don’t have to tell you that this kind of behavior is not cool. You already know that these are the signs of emotionally distant men. There are a few distinct signs, or red flags, as I like to call them, which indicate that the man you are dating is emotionally unavailable, and you should probably move on… or get him to commit. Let’s see, shall we?
When you are in a relationship with someone, you expect them to share stuff with you. And I’m not just talking about his dessert, but about his day at work, problems he may be facing, conflicts, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. What’s that? He never talks about his feelings, and he is closed up emotionally? Well, what else is new? It doesn’t get any more obvious than this that; I mean, he literally will not open up to you, emotionally. He won’t talk about his own feelings, or ask about your own. This one is not a keeper.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but we generally like to know where our significant others are. I’m not saying that tracking his every move is normal, because men don’t like this, but you should have a general idea of where he is. However, more often than not, he just takes off, destination unknown. Now, that wouldn’t be that big of a problem if he bothered to ever pick up the phone, but…
Ah, there it is! He doesn’t answer the phone, either. So, let’s recap: he leaves without saying where and then when you call him, he doesn’t answer. And you are still sticking around because…? Look, if I acted like that, my girlfriend would kick my ass to the curb, and with good reason. He is just not giving you any consideration at all, and take it from me: you deserve better.
How many times have you asked him to come meet your friends or your folks and he shut you down? Ever wondered why that is? I’m going to be real with you: if we’re not serious about a woman, we will do anything to avoid meeting her “crew” – friends or family, it doesn’t matter. Why go through that uncomfortable encounter, if we’re not going to commit anyway? It’s a lot of effort for nothing.
The same principle applies when it comes to our friends too. Of course he won’t take you to meet his friends – they probably don’t even know you exist! Trust me, when he is excited to have a girl in his life, he is telling everybody about how great this chick is, and he’ll take her to meet them all. If he is avoiding the encounter, I’m sorry to say that it’s not looking good for you. Even without all the other signs, this one is major on its own.
Sure, he reluctantly accepts you coming over to his place once in a while, because it means he’s getting sex. But think hard – has he ever invited you to stay over? No? But you invite him all the time? In fact, he is probably weird about having you there at all. Uncomfortable, irritated, awkward – sounds familiar? We don’t like it when girls encroach on our space, snoop around our house, look through our things… especially not girls we don’t plan on getting serious with. It’s like having a stranger rifling through your things. A stranger you have sex with.
Think about how long you’ve been dating this guy. Now think about what you know about him. His first name, probably his last name, age, profession… and what else? Do you know stuff about his childhood? Do you know what his parents’ names are? Do you have any idea how his apartment looks like? What about what he does in his free time when you’re not together? I don’t have to be the one to tell you that if you don’t really know him, he hasn’t been opening up to you all that much and it’s a clear sign of his emotional distance.
“Me, me, me, me, me!” How often do you hear that coming from his mouth? You meet up when he wants to, where he wants, for how long he can, and only if you agree to do what he wants to do. I’m sorry, wait a minute, but is this a relationship or just him dragging you along? Where do you fit in this picture? What about your needs, your desires, your preferences? This man is too selfish and self-centered to be able to be available to you emotionally or otherwise.
You reach for his hand; he pulls away. You try to cuddle after sex; he gets up to smoke a cigarette. You lean in for a kiss goodbye; he runs out of there like his ass is on fire. I hate to break it to you, but it seems to me like he is physically distant. You know, except for the sex part. Men always jump at the chance for sex. Look, a man avoids physical contact like that in two instances: when he is trying to break-up with you and when he doesn’t plan on getting too emotionally involved. Basically, all signs show that he’s using you for sex. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
The first time he did it, you were almost glad – it means he’s comfortable enough to talk about emotions with you! The second time he did it, you decided that it’s “ok”. The third time he did it, you started to get a little annoyed and maybe a little jealous, but you were not going to show it. But after the fourth time, the fifth time, and the fortieth, you know something’s not right here. It sounds like he is still majorly hung up on his ex and that means that he is most likely not ready to have a relationship with a new person. You’re better off without him.
Blayne Ketcham offers a ton of dating advice & a relationship program for women. After going through his free email-advice series, you'll understand how men think & what they truly desire. You'll also discover how to connect with any man using one simple method. This blog contains general thoughts and ramblings about relationship problems.