You do everything you can for him; you are as nice as you can be, you’re cute, you’re funny, you’re smart and you treat him like a king. You appreciate him, you compliment him and you try to get him to come closer, but all your efforts seem to be in vain. He won’t budge, no matter how hard you try. You knew that he was emotionally unavailable, but you never thought it would be this hard. After a while, you start asking yourself if emotionally unavailable men are even able to ever fall in love. Well, I am here to answer this exact question – from a male perspective, no less.
First things first: everyone falls in love. Yes, everyone. And you know why? Because we’re human (fortunately or unfortunately) and we can’t help it; we can’t control it. If we were able to control when we fall in love and with whom, there would be fewer broken hearts and hurt feelings in the world, but also less excitement.
So, let’s go back to our question: do emotionally unavailable men fall in love? Yes, they do. But – and this is a huge “but” – the circumstances have to be just right.
Okay, let’s get this out of the way, first – you can’t get someone to change and men hate it when women try to change them. In my entire career, I have never seen a man who was actually changed by a woman without knowing or without wanting it. The desire for change has to come from him. And for that to happen, he needs to be aware that he is emotionally unavailable and to be willing to work through it.
Those are some pretty difficult conditions. He won’t just be open to falling in love because you want him to; this is going to take some time and effort on his part and a lot of soul-searching and introspection.
Then, there is the issue that you might not be the right woman. Look, I know you don’t want to hear this, but take it from me: maybe he’s just not that into you. He has to tell you that you are. Otherwise, you may never be sure.
It’s entirely possible for you to actually help him get through his issues and for him to end up falling in love with someone else; you never know. The idea is that you have to figure out what kind of woman he wants and needs and if you are her.
Another thing you have to keep in mind is that a guy who is emotionally unavailable can’t just flip a switch. Yesterday he was distant and moody, but now he’s totally different and is ready to fall in love and live happily ever after! No, that won’t happen. Even if he does genuinely want to change and if he really, really likes you and wants to spend time with you, the process might still take a good, long while.
Feelings are hard for us. When a man has been shut down for so long, a guy needs some time to figure stuff out.
Sooner or later, your man will start coming out of his shell and show you who he really is, when he is able to open up and express himself emotionally. But I want you to be prepared because you might be surprised to find out that you don’t actually like who he is when he’s “open.” He is not undergoing a personality change; he is just becoming more himself. But there will be a noticeable shift in behavior and in the way he interacts with you. You have to respect who he is and accept him; welcome his progress with love and support….or not.
Take my advice: no matter what happens, keep things positive! Imagine you’re a cheerleader and your role is to supply the pep and the encouragement. Smile, laugh and have fun. Make sure your positivity and happiness are infectious and he won’t be able to resist you.
What man can say no to a woman who can brighten his day with a single, perfect smile? Bring him up when he’s down and he will be grateful … and loving.
You know what the most unattractive thing you can do is? Pressure him to do things he does not want to do or is not ready for. If he is not up for commitment just yet, hounding him down is not going to convince him, but quite the opposite. Commitment is a sensitive subject and I believe you when you say that you are tired of waiting around for him, but answer this: do you honestly believe that you are going to solve anything by pushing him?
Ask yourself what you are trying to achieve by prodding him over and over and imagine what the most likely reaction would be. Is it him turning his back and walking away, annoyed? Because that’s what I would do if I were him.
I’m sure you’ve heard this one about a thousand times by now, but I’m going to say it again, anyway: we hate clingy women. Pure hatred. Clingy women are scary because they just ask for so much and come off as so desperate. We don’t want to be your sole source of happiness, companionship, love and fulfillment. You have to be your own person, with your own interests, and your own life. That is attractive, sexy and lovable.
Blayne Ketcham offers a ton of dating advice & a relationship program for women. After going through his free email-advice series, you'll understand how men think & what they truly desire. You'll also discover how to connect with any man using one simple method. This blog contains general thoughts and ramblings about relationship problems.