If you take a look at popular culture and society, you would think that men don’t ever connect emotionally and that they’re some kind of unfeeling robots, while women are some weak, weepy creatures who can’t help but fall desperately in love with the first guy who looks at them. I don’t need to tell you that these gender perceptions are complete bullshit and sexist in both directions – male and female. These stupid stereotypes harm us all, so it’s time we dispel with them and present the real facts. So, let’s talk about how men deal with emotional attraction signs and connect emotionally to their female companions.
First things first – men are not that different from women, emotionally. We’re all human and we have the same emotions, so really, expecting men to have some new, never-seen-before feelings is a very unrealistic thing.
The most important thing I can tell you is to treat your guys like human beings, not like some foreign creatures that you don’t know how to relate to. That’s the biggest mistake people make in relation to the other gender; men are guilty of the same kind of “othering”, where they pretend that women are not like them and that they cannot be understood.
At the end of the day, what men want (as a very basic thing), is a woman who understands them. Do you understand your man? You may THINK you do, but do you really?
All men want is to be understood and not be nagged. That’s one thing that we hate more than anything else – women who can’t stop freaking nagging us. Believe me when I say that it’s the most annoying thing in the world to have a person constantly berate you and complain about everything you do. The comments kill us ladies, so, of course a guy is not going to connect to you emotionally when all you do is break his balls!
But when you’re a guy and you find a unicorn of a girl who not only leaves you alone but truly understands you, you can’t let her go. You fall head over heels and you’re smitten. While you can certainly be physically attracted to a woman who doesn’t understand you, you will only become emotionally connected to a woman who can see right into your soul.
If there’s something I can tell you about men, it’s that they like to feel secure in their masculinity, so it only makes sense that they become emotionally attached to women who validate their masculinity, allow them to feel like men and make them feel secure in the relationship.
This is a very important point I want to make about men in relationships. You will probably read advice that tells you to play hard to get and pretend that you’re being courted by several men, in order to make your guy feel insecure. Do not make that terrible mistake, because it can mean the end of your relationship. There is some overlap and you don’t want to come off as having nothing to do, but you don’t want to give the impression you are playing the field.
If you want to make your man connect with you emotionally, whatever you do, don’t play BAD mind games with him, because that will turn him off tremendously and make him not trust you. That can negatively affect your relationship forever and you might even miss out on an exceptional match, just because of a bad decision. Make your man feel secure and you will win him over completely.There are certain ways to “play” with a man’s mind – but the usual “game” is not one of them.
I am absolutely sure that you’ve heard before of men’s infamously huge egos. I would love to be able to dispel that rumor, but I’m afraid it’s true.
Try to contain your disappointment ladies. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to stroke his ego at all times or essentially kiss a man’s you know what, in order to get him to connect with you. On the contrary, that might make him feel smothered or like you’re not genuine.
Instead, all he wants is to feel appreciated. Think about it for a second – isn’t that what we all want, at the end of the day? It’s not such a difficult thing to understand.
So, it’s simple actually – show your guy how much you appreciate him. All we want is to see that you appreciate our presence and contribution in your life and our relationship.
Here is how to show a guy you appreciate him:
How would you feel if the person you love would try to change everything about you? What if they tried to change just an aspect of your personality or your existence?
Let me tell you; it’s not a nice feeling at all. And the problem is that a lot (and I mean A LOT) of women make the mistake of trying to change all kinds of things about their partner. And can you blame the guys for not committing, or even getting emotionally connected to a woman, when she can’t seem to be able to appreciate him for what he is?
A man will irrevocably fall for a chick who welcomes him with arms wide open and accepts him without objections. We all want to be loved and appreciated, right? Well, give him that.
Never do something or say something that would give him an idea that you don’t like the way he is. Remember that change and evolution is possible, but as a couple – if you want him to change things about himself, then maybe you need to change some things about you as well. The point is for the two of you to be more compatible.
I go into detail about how to get a man to do what you want through my email course and members’ only book – but as a basic 101, you need to keep all of these points in mind.
Blayne Ketcham offers a ton of dating advice & a relationship program for women. After going through his free email-advice series, you'll understand how men think & what they truly desire. You'll also discover how to connect with any man using one simple method. This blog contains general thoughts and ramblings about relationship problems.