I don’t always know what women think (99% of the time I do), but I do know that they obsess over emotional attraction signs in men. “Does he like me?” is one of the most common questions women ask themselves (and me) when dating a guy or getting to know him. When it comes to all of the relationship advice questions received, this ranks near the top. If you’re honest with yourself, you will admit that you have asked yourself this before.
It likely started in middle school, when the boy across the street was suddenly cute and he seemed to like you… but you didn’t know if he just liked you or was drooling over you.
The rest is history…
Yes, there’s a difference and yes, the situation doesn’t change in adulthood; only the stakes do. Because, just like when you’re 12, the fact that Jimmy kisses you doesn’t mean he is emotionally involved. When you’re 22 (and beyond), the fact that Jimmy sleeps with you still doesn’t mean he’s emotionally involved. It also does not change for online dating or app-dating or whatever else you do.
It sucks – but this is reality.
What you need to do is learn what the signs of emotional attraction are. You may talk about this very topic with other women, but I can tell you right now that you won’t get it right. You need information right from the source and you got lucky today because I happen to be that source. I can pinpoint the attraction signs you must know. Why? I am a man and I have experience dealing with this.
Remember this one thing if nothing else – Never allow yourself to be trapped in the, “Does he like me?” jail.So now, let’s look at a few emotional attraction signs and how they play out in YOUR love life.
One of the most obvious signs (but one that you may not take as such) is the simple fact of a man choosing to spend time with you. Look, I will be honest. It may sound harsh, but a man who is only interested in sex is not going to waste his time “hanging out” or talking. As soon as a guy gets what he is really after (in this case, sexual satisfaction), he will go his merry way.
And whatever you may think, he will absolutely not hang out if the possibility of sex is off the table. Sorry.
If you take the time to notice the subtle signs, a man who is emotionally attracted to you will be happy to spend time with you in any capacity, even if it’s just on a friendly level. An example would be going to a movie or heading to something “unique”; such as an event in the city or a friend’s get-together.
This man will not automatically ask for sex or even allude to it; he just wants to enjoy your company.
Of course, some would argue that this is also possible for sexual partners who are also friends (see: friends with benefits), but let’s be real – if your relationship is primarily a sexual one and he’s not emotionally involved, he won’t have much patience for unrelated activities.
You have to know something about men… we hate talking on the phone most of the time. In fact, we hate talking too much in general. We’re creatures of few words and we wish you were too. There are always exceptions to this rule and some men are particularly verbose, but generally speaking, we’re not going to call anyone (not our best friend, not our mom, not you) just to spend hours on the phone.
Notice I said hours.
Now, with this in mind, when a member of the opposite sex is willing to spend time on the phone with you and even initiate these conversations, then yes, he’s into you.
This test is basically fool-proof because you really can’t go wrong. A man will not call to chat on the phone for hours upon hours with a friend OR with a sexual partner. If he is willing and eager to spend that much time talking to you, just to hear your voice and interact with you, there are some feelings there.
Of course, it’s entirely possible that he may not even realize it, but it’s basically guaranteed. He is emotionally attracted to you, big time.
Pro tip: Don’t call him, let him call you. If he always does without fail, then this case is closed. I pronounce him smitten. Keep in mind that some men may be REALLY into you but not always call just because they have their own routine and get stuck in the moment. You will know if he feels bad about picking up the phone – he may even tell you.
Let’s get one thing straight; a man who is only after sex is going to be selfish 99.9% of the time. He’s probably a selfish lover too. This is a big warning and it’s likely he doesn’t have many emotional attraction signs tucked up his sleeve.
Everything he does is for his own personal gain and in this case, sexual satisfaction. Don’t expect him to let you choose the restaurant or pay attention to your sexual needs. That’s why a sure sign of emotional attraction is always a man who puts YOU first and is attentive to YOUR needs. This requires him to think about someone other than himself for a second, and hey, it’s you! You lucky girl, you!
Here’s how you can tell…
Okay, so you’ve been seeing each other for a few months and everything is going great! Or so you think…
Take a moment to wonder…
Maybe you’ve never given it much thought, but his behavior in relation to you and his loved ones is a major indication of how he really feels about you.
“But what does one have to do with the other?” you may ask. Well, let’s see.
A man who is emotionally attached, wants to yell at the top of his lungs about how great his girl is. He wants to talk about her constantly and he wants to show her off to everyone he knows. And everyone he knows is already sick of hearing about it because he brings her up ALL THE TIME.
What you are aspiring to is this kind of status, in which he can’t shut up about you. If you’re already there, congrats; he sure as hell won’t be talking about some random girl he’s banging.
This is 100% emotional attraction.
Remember what I was saying earlier about how we hate talking? Well, we’re not that great at listening, either. I know, we’re “The Worst”. Anyway, this piece of information is going to end up being extremely useful to you. Why? Because this is one of the ways in which you can identify emotional attraction on his part.
We’re a bit of a clueless bunch and women are frequently frustrated with us for our shortcomings, like when it comes to social skills. I’m sure you’ve noticed the general lack of enthusiasm for emotional discussions and listening to you vent.
Knowing this, when a guy actually sits down and listens to you talk and does all the appropriate nodding and makes the right sounds, then you know that he’s interested in more than your looks.
Again, he may not even realize it, but he’s into you and that’s why he hangs on your every word. You won’t catch him doing that with anyone else, trust me.
Pro tip: You can actually be “sneaky” and test this theory by simply asking him some trick questions. Who’s to say he’s not just nodding and “ah-smiling” to save face? Ask him something specific about what you’ve been talking about.
If he knows, he’s a good egg.
If you know anything about us, you are already aware that we don’t enjoy asking for other people’s opinions. The explanations you will receive for this will be varied (and almost entirely garbage), but it comes down to the fact that we feel like it undermines our masculinity. Why would I need to know what someone else thinks?
I know best. I’m a man, hear me roar! No, but seriously – we don’t usually ask for opinions and advice, especially from women. That means that if a guy asks this of you, it’s a Big Deal.
Now, this can include a range of different things.
How you can tell:
Clearly, not all of these are on the same level, and while a man may ask his good friend about which way his hair looks cooler, he may not necessarily ask for their advice when it comes to personal matters. He probably wouldn’t ask them for advice related to family or other sensitive issues either.
To figure out if this is a sign of emotional attraction or not, I suggest taking note of these occasions.
This ties into what we were talking about earlier (hanging out without sex). You may find yourself in situations where you ask that you guys spend time together and your male friend will say, “Okay, but sex?”, “First, sex?”, “And after that, sex?”. It might not be in those exact words (although, it depends on who you tend to associate with), but the sentiment is the same.
He might be willing to put up with the terrible ordeal of spending time with you, as long as you promise sex. While a man who is emotionally attracted to you will still desire and enjoy sex with you (duh), he won’t put it first and he won’t bring it up every two minutes.
Look, you don’t need to keep the man in a perpetual dry spell in order for him to prove his worth to you, but this is definitely the kind of thing you notice after spending some time together.
You can talk to him about anything, joke around and just be together. Sex doesn’t have to be the automatic destination of your evening. It’s refreshing and relaxing, and it’s not something you get with a lot of men. Hang onto it when you find it. He’s a keeper.
Do you know what makes the difference between a man who is just interested in sleeping with you and a man who is emotionally involved? The answer is what he does for you and how often.
To put it simply, a guy who doesn’t care, won’t waste his time doing stuff for you, no matter WHAT it is. He might do some things for you if he is hoping to score, but it’s the little things that count. There are some things he might do for you if he’s emotionally attracted to you. Here’s how you can tell:
It’s impossible for me to list all the little things, but generally speaking, this is a man who will go out of his way to do something nice for you. He also always seems to be thinking of you in the nicest way possible. Not the creepy, “I’m obsessed with you” kind, but the, “I am considerate of your needs and feelings” kind.
It’s a stereotype, but we all know that stereotypes have formed because of real life events that are… TRUE. Men don’t like to talk about emotional things most of the time. They don’t open up, they don’t cry and they don’t whine. Well, the good ones don’t at least.
We are taught from a very young age that expressing emotion is not “masculine”, so we learn to suppress it. Now, we now that it’s not a healthy attitude at all and all those bottled up feelings are bound to wreak havoc at one point or another. But the important point I want to make is that men do sometimes open up to other people and they allow themselves to be vulnerable. They especially do this with the woman they love.There is perhaps no better, louder, more obvious sign of emotional attachment, than this simple act of opening up to another human being.
It may not seem like much for him to tell you about something his mother used to do, about his childhood, or about something that saddens him, but considering how difficult that is for men in general, it’s a tremendous breakthrough and one that needs to be appreciated.
First of all, let me say that yes, guys who only want to sleep with you will also try to impress you, but that is not the point I want to make. There is a difference in the way a guy will act if he’s physically attracted to you and if he’s emotionally attracted to you.
Physical attraction is going to be all about the way he looks, how sexy he is, how great his car is, how expensive his apartment is, how much money he makes, etc.
A man who’s interested in more than just your body is going to try and impress you by showcasing how smart, loyal, and hard-working he is. We all want to make a good impression on the people we like, especially if we have romantic feelings for them, so don’t knock the guy down.
Pay attention though! Discern between, “I want to show you how big my penis is” and, “I want to show you how big my heart is”.
You would be surprised at how subtle the differences can be.
There’s this piece of common knowledge that men are not romantic. We can’t generalize and say that about all of them, but romance is typically not a guy’s strong suit, unless he is emotionally attracted to a woman. Think about what would happen if you tried doing something romantic with a guy you’re only sleeping around with.
Shock, horror, disgust! Nooo, not romance!
Candle-lit dinners, romantic movies and roses are not for every situation.But when you catch a guy who is not only open to stuff like that, but he actually initiates intimate picnics, rose petals on the bed and romantic music… it sounds to me like someone is more than a little emotionally attached.
Emotions do crazy things to men and women, and while a perfectly normal guy may think romantic stuff is dumb today, next week he may be working his hardest to orchestrate the perfect romantic moment for a special girl he’s seeing (you).
And if you are that special girl, I don’t have to be the one to tell you that this is a major sign of emotional attraction. All I can say is “enjoy it!”.
There is a technique to figure out if you are emotionally attracted to someone (or if he is attracted to you) and that is by asking some very important questions. The answer will become immediately apparent when you do this.
So, let’s find out if he is emotionally attracted to you:
No matter how you slice it, if the answer to these questions is “yes”, this relationship is neither a pure, platonic friendship OR a simple friends-with-benefits type of situation. He cares about you in a deeper way than you might have thought and now you have it “in writing”.
God knows that one thing that some men sorely lack is patience. They flip their lid almost instantly and “don’t have time for fools”. That may be a character flaw on their part, but one thing calms them down and offers them infinite patience; the woman they love. That woman is you. Your man loves you if this is the case.
It starts subtly, without him even noticing, but everything that annoys him about other people doesn’t annoy him when his woman does it.
No matter how obnoxious or irritating, it becomes endearing when a person he’s attached emotionally to does it. And then, without realizing it, he starts having infinite patience for this person who is so special; that person being you.
What do I mean by this? I’m talking about everything. From waiting for you to finish applying your makeup in the bathroom to being patient with you while you go through an emotional outburst.Even waiting patiently for you to be ready for intimacy.
We tend to cut all kinds of slack to the people we love. We are far more likely to let some things slide for those dear to our heart. We even look over differences or allow some annoying behavior because of the emotional involvement.
Try and point out what guy puts up with that kind of behavior just for a woman he may get to sleep with. Exactly – you can’t point it out because it wouldn’t happen.
One of the sweetest signs that a man has many emotional attraction signs for you, is the fact that he tends to want to take care of you. I’m sure you’ve experienced this yourself at some point in your life.
When you and I start becoming emotionally attached to people, they tend to awaken some sort of maternal or paternal instincts inside us. This goes for siblings, friends and lovers. So, it’s no wonder that when a man is interested in you emotionally, he will – despite himself – go out of his way to take care of you.
He can’t even help it. And yeah, it’s kind of cute, but don’t tell him that, because he’ll be embarrassed and feel less manly.
How you can tell:
If a man is either not interested in you at all or only interested in you for the sexual component, he will completely ignore you.Remember that.
He doesn’t give a hoot, he never answers your calls and he doesn’t pay attention to you. He doesn’t really care what you feel and he is not willing to listen or talk about any of it – ever.
This is a man who is unresponsive and emotionally unavailable. He may try to shut you up by making vague promises, but he never follows through.
A man who is emotionally attracted to you on the other hand, well… you’ll know him when you see him. He pays attention to what you say, what you want and who you are. And he knows you and he wants to get to know you even more as time goes on. He is interested in your life, your passions and your personality. He wants to genuinely work through things together. He always responds when you need him.
To put it simply, he’s one of the good ones. Congrats.