Woman wants to get husband back as he walks away

How To Get Your Husband Back In 10 Steps

  • March 3, 2016
  • / By Blayne Ketcham

How Do I Get My Husband Back?

Good thing you asked! This online guide is going to have you reflect on certain behaviors and techniques, so that you can learn how to get your husband back (from another woman, during a separation or after a separation).

It will allow you to open up and look at your husband situation with a clear mind. Statistics show that about 50% of marriages end in divorce. Ouch. If you’re reading this, you naturally (and desperately) want to find a way to get your husband back, right?

With such discouraging rates, it’s a miracle people are even getting married anymore. But even so, young couples fall in love and believe that against all odds, they will be the ones who will be together forever. You have to believe in it, otherwise, why would you get married in the first place, right? Unfortunately, blind faith in your relationship is not enough and neither is love.

husband arguing with wife on a park bench

This is why you’re here. So, the following is my dating advice for you (yes, dating advice – because your situation is now in a “start over” dating phase, albeit with your husband).

Some women have run out of fingers to count how many relationships they have had that were loving, but that ultimately resulted in failure, including one with their husband. Is that something they are proud of?

Hell no. But it does go to show that relationships and having a husband for that matter, are hard work and that too many times, the couples who walk together in front of the altar have no idea what they are in for.

You however, have been married before… and then unsurprisingly, you became separated or divorced. Still with me? Good (so far, no earth-shattering news for you).

What makes you different is that, unlike all the other bitter couples who end up hating each other after their break-up, you’ve realized that either you or your husband made a mistake, even if you or him aren’t aware of it yet. Yes, there is ALWAYS a mistake from either one or both of you. A relationship does not simply end with the moon passing by one night.

You didn’t really want to separate from your husband (did you?). You should have worked through it. You do love your husband after all and you want him back. You’re not ready to give up on him just yet.

The fact you’re here means your husband plays a big role in your life, your heart and your emotional well-being. And if this were a romantic comedy, all you’d have to do is run to his house in the middle of the night (in the rain) confess your feelings and the two of you would kiss, have sex and you would have your husband back in your arms.

Well, this isn’t a romantic comedy. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get your husband back and have the happy ending you’re dreaming about. At this moment, it may seem like all is lost and that you’ve blown your chance at happiness with your beloved. But not so fast! I can help you. If you want to learn how to get your husband back after a separation or during a separation, the process is the same.

Use this guide and get your husband back. Yes, it is possible to forgive and forget, repair a damaged relationship and rekindle a flame that has been dying. Pay attention, because I am going to show you how.

Why have you separated from your husband?

Before anything else, you first have to sit down and really think about the reasons why your marriage has gone sour.

  • Can you identify a reason?
  • Do you even know why the two of you broke up?
  • Do you know why, but do not want to admit it?

You can’t move forward until you’re able to pinpoint exactly what went wrong with your husband or boyfriend and why the relationship has deteriorated. Was it him or was it you? Do you think to yourself, “will he come back if i leave him alone?” Are you looking for signs he will come back after a break up? Give it some time.

This way, you will know what you need to do to get your husband (or bf) back from another woman, from despair, or whatever the issue is. There are some common reasons for separations like this and I am going to go into detail about a few of them.

Ready? Here are some points to reflect upon…

Poor Communication

I’m sure you’re sick of all the people reminding you how important communication is, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to do the same thing. Its importance cannot be overstated, as communication is essential to a healthy, functioning relationship. If you really think about it, you can’t expect a relationship to work if the two of you’re not open and honest with each other, right?

If you never talk and express yourselves, you’re never going to be able to work through your issues.

How did you get to this point?

Wait! I know this one by heart because women I know have lived through it more times than they should have. Your husband hates talking about his feelings. You tried to get him to open up in the beginning, but after that you just let him be.

That worked for a while, but as life went on, things started “happening” for each of you and the issues were not brought up as much as they should have been. You knew that he wouldn’t listen and he didn’t know how to start communicating; he never had to before. After years of lack of communication, you start fighting or just quietly resenting each other.

Now, if this happened in your marriage, I have good news and bad news.

Good News

You’re far from being the only couple who went through this and this can be fixed.

Bad News

It requires a ton of work and not only from your side.

Communication problems are universal, because even though communication is vital, we’re not all that great at it. In fact, we often suck.

Working towards facilitating communication is not the easiest thing in the world, especially when a man is involved. They are known for favoring noises or grumbles over talking, not to mention that many guys think that “soft” feelings are for “pussies”. Perhaps your husband is one of them.

Obviously, that attitude is harmful, but so is your tendency to overshare or nag your husband all day long. I know why you do it, but it still kills your relationship. We’re going to talk more about your communication issues and how to solve them in a little bit.

Before that, let’s head over to a very common and sad scenario…

He Cheated

Now, this is where the game changes, because you went from him and “having marital problems” to him and “having marital problems and misguidedly seeking comfort elsewhere”.

I am very confident in saying that finding out you’ve been cheated on is the equivalent of a painful a slap in the face. I won’t go into the details, but like many of you reading this right now, I understand what it’s like to have the person you trusted the most, stab you in the back.

cheating husband behind curtain

How could he do that to you? What did he receive from the other woman that you didn’t give him? A million questions run through your mind.

The sensation is almost indescribable; the horrible feeling you have, as if you’ve been punched in the stomach. You definitely feel it physically, which doesn’t make sense, but it takes the lights out of you.

Your husband, whom you had complete and total trust in, has betrayed you and now you feel like you can’t breathe. It makes you want to rip your hair out and break everything – to turn back time and force them to admit they were wrong – to get revenge and make them feel miserable for how they ruined your life.

The room is spinning and for a moment, you can’t fully grasp what is happening, because you haven’t had a chance to process the information. There’s the truth in front of you, and then there’s what you want to think, which is that it can’t be right and there must be an explanation. There almost never is and you’ve got to come to terms with reality – he cheated on you.

How did it come to this?

Although this unfortunate “destination” is a popular one, there are many roads that can be taken to get there. The aforementioned lack of communication is one of them.

When the man in your life feels like you do not understand him or won’t even try to understand him, he goes out looking for someone who does. It does NOT make it right, but this is reality. The same reason applies to women who suddenly gravitate towards a man who gives them attention, makes them feel excited and inserts some “spice” into their daily life, even though they are happily married.

The bottom line is that people aren’t aware of what is happening until it’s too late. Heck, maybe your husband stumbled upon her by mistake, but does it even matter now? It doesn’t.

A poor sex life or the complete lack of one is another reason that creeps up often. Sex is a major part of any marriage for 99% of men. Unless you’re both asexual or have very low libidos and have struck an understanding to never have sex or only do it at some agreed upon interval, there will be problems if sex is lacking.

We all have needs, but we are also all different, which means that some of us want more sex, while others want less. What did you and your husband want? Were you on the same level? Reaching a compromise is not impossible and it can save your relationship.

Cheating is, perhaps, one of the most difficult things to get over. For a large segment of the population, it’s an absolute deal-breaker. However, that is not true of all people (as I have said before). It also largely depends on what has driven a partner to cheat, what the circumstances are in your own relationship, how your husband feels about it, how you feel about it, etc.

You Cheated

This is where it gets really complicated. It’s easy to blame him for being a lying bastard and going after some skank. After all, most of us are programmed to believe that it is somehow in a man’s nature to wander. But when you were the one who did the-nasty, there’s no one you can really blame but yourself. And rest assured that he will blame you as well (as he should).

Please know that no amount of “this isn’t what it looks like” will mend things; quite the opposite, really. Do not get defensive, don’t lash out and don’t try to turn it all on him. You’re in the wrong, and you must own up to it.

As far as the impact on your relationship goes, it doesn’t really matter which one of you cheated. The betrayal is still there and the loss of trust is the same. It’s a pretty heinous thing to do; there is no doubt about it. But like all things in life, infidelity is not black and white. Not to say that cheating is ever justified, but there are certain circumstances that contribute and lead to this ultimate betrayal. Let’s dig deeper.

How did you get to this point?

woman cheating in doggy style sex position

Think about the following questions very hard. Write these down, print them out, add more of your own – do whatever you must. You get the picture. Take a few days to go over each one and expand upon them. The answer is there somewhere. You will have to dig it out…

  • What journey did you take to get here?
  • Have you truly said to yourself, “I want my husband back after I cheated on him”?
  • Did you ever think to yourself, “This other man will notice me and care for me, unlike my current husband”?
  • What boiled underneath the surface and what exactly pushed you over the edge?
  • Maybe he hasn’t been paying attention to you as much as he used to. Has he?
  • Maybe he doesn’t satisfy you in bed. Does he?
  • Perhaps you’ve gotten bored with the same ol’, same ol’ and were desperate for a little spark in your dull existence. (grass is greener syndrome)

Whatever it is, this is something you need to work out yourself.

Before you can start repairing the damage, you need to know what happened and why. There’s a chance you can bring your husband back and the two of you can repair this, but if that doesn’t work, you can also opt to ask for help. Of course, this will require some reflection on your part.

  • What are you unhappy about?
  • What drove you to react in this extreme way?
  • Is there any hope for your relationship?

You Changed or Grew Apart

The most boring, the most mundane and the least dramatic or glamorous reason for divorce and separation is growing apart. Some women talk about being lonely while sharing a bed with their husband. Is that you? Have you ever been in bed next to your husband, feeling like you were staring at the back of a stranger?

Does it feel terrible, sobering and helpless for you? Doesn’t it make you desire those old times back again? You don’t know when this happened or why; it has taken you by surprise. All you know is that (now) you and your husband don’t really connect and you feel like you hardly even know him anymore.

You begin to panic…

It’s at this moment that you begin to truly want your husband back, to the way it used to be. Sadly, this is the course that many relationships take. After years together, you would think that you just grow closer and closer, as you get to know each other more and more intimately.

Paradoxically, most of the time, the exact opposite is true. You drift apart a little more with every day that you’re too busy to hang out. The same is true for when you have dinner alone or are stuck late at the office. Every time you don’t communicate well or when you don’t take the time to understand each other, adds to the deterioration of your relationship.

Knowledge is power! Arm yourself.

Changing, growing and evolving is normal and universal; we all change as we grow older, whether we realize it or not. The problems begin to appear when you change in different ways than your husband, instead of closer ways. It’s hard to bring your husband back when you drift further apart over time.

Some say that this is just the course of life and a sign of incompatibility. It’s best to give it up and each take your own way, right? That may work well for a couple who hates each other, but if you still love your husband and want him back, letting him go is counter-intuitive and honestly, never give up (my .02 cents).

So… what now?

Bring Your Husband Back Today

I will show you what he really thinks about you, how to make him passionate again, how to get inside his mind, & so much more!

How To Get Your Husband Back – The Right Way

1. Apologize (even if you don’t think you did anything wrong)

word cloud showing apology synonyms

I know what you’re thinking: Why should I apologize if it’s not my fault?! Perhaps you’re even offended at the thought, especially if your husband cheated on you. But hear me out for a second; in order to heal, both of you have to own up to your own blame, even if you have trouble seeing any blame in yourself. It can feel crazy, but it works well.

If YOU are at fault, an apology is a 100% must. Here’s the thing though… it allows you to find some solace of bettering yourself and taking your mind off the act he committed.

There are two people in any relationship and both of them contribute to the success and failure of it. That means that you’re both to blame for your separation. Something I want to make VERY clear, is that it is NOT your fault if your husband cheated on you.

With that said, it is worth thinking about what your relationship has been like, how you have been behaving towards your spouse and how that might have made him feel.

  • Have you been paying enough attention to your guy?
  • Was there any instance in which you feel you weren’t really listening to his complaints?
  • Have you been fulfilling his needs?
  • Do you know what his expectations were from your relationship?

These are all important aspects because they all played a part in the deterioration of your relationship.

Therefore, after a break-up, separation or even a divorce, the first step towards reconciliation is to signal to your husband that you’re willing to admit your own faults. Apologize for everything you may have done wrong over the course of your relationship and all the ways in which you may have come short. This seems ass-backward but I assure you that this will have a 100% positive result:

  • He will be pleasantly impressed by your maturity
  • He will appreciate you making the first step
  • Chances are that he will apologize for his own faults

With this single first move, you’re setting the tone for your future interactions.

This isn’t about you telling him you’re sorry for making him cheat. Chances are 99% and higher that you’re not the reason he went to another woman. Remember, the main purpose of this exercise is simply to open up a communication channel between the two of you, by letting him know that you also are human.

It allows for a “common” point from which to start talking again without turning into a huge fight. This initial step is overwhelmingly important, so don’t blow it and only do it when you’re ready and level-headed.

Go into it with honesty and an open heart, but don’t allow your emotions to get the best of you. We’ll get back to that last part in a sec.

2. Talk it out

wife and husband in serious conversation

Now that you’ve gotten over that super terrifying first step, you can move on to the next stage in repairing your damaged relationship. Remember when we were talking about communication earlier? Well, now is the time to go deeper into the issue.

Communication is just as important as before, even AFTER you separate. Perhaps it’s even more important now because it is the one thing that can bring your husband back (hence the exercise before).

All those things that were left unsaid? All the stuff that you never clarified? Now you have the chance to talk it out.

That’s right; you’re going to do what he hates most in the world (sorry, dude!): talk, talk, and talk some more. This is something you both need for a number of different reasons, regardless of whether you want to get back together or not.

  • You can sort out your feelings
  • You can let go of your anger or resentment
  • You can get closure
  • You can identify your problems

What will help you is to think of the post-breakup talk as a “purge” of sorts. I don’t mean that you should throw everything you hate about him in his face (that’s a bit too much even though it would feel great and justified), but that you should put everything on the table.

I want you both to say what went wrong on your part, what felt off, and what expectations remained unfulfilled. This way, everyone has all the information and you will both be on the same page.

Do you see why the “I’m sorry” exercise is so important now?

This is the only way you can start mending this relationship. Even if you don’t ultimately end up back together, if you hope to have any kind of decent relationship (especially if you have children), you must learn how to communicate again, how to talk and how to open up to each other. This leaves room for re-establishing a connection, which I am going to talk about.

3. Reconnect

husband and wife in a field

Here comes the tricky part… is it possible to reconnect with an ex-husband? Can you bring “the husband back”?

In my experience of dealing with women, this is a VERY delicate matter, but if you play your cards right, yes, it is entirely possible to reconnect in order to create a new bond, strengthen the old one, build a friendship and go back to what once brought you together, perhaps even with a better bond after the fact.

Of course, in order to achieve all of this, there has to be a will on both sides. You may wish for a connection all you want, but if the relationship has been wrecked beyond repair, pushing for it will only make things worse. Trust me.

So, how do you do it? Well, you need to take it slow. Whatever you do, don’t – I repeat, DO NOT – rush things, because you may just ruin it all.

The secret to this, is to let things evolve on their own and move forward naturally. Pick things up and start talking again, but keep it 100% casual. This means there are some things that you need to avoid:

  • Don’t flirt with him
  • Don’t bring up old mistakes
  • Don’t hassle him
  • Don’t nag him
  • Don’t act as if you were still married
  • Don’t tell him everything you do and everywhere you go

What you’re seeking is to make a clear distinction in your relationship. You’re not trying to get him back – no, sir; how did you get that idea ;), but only trying to maintain a good relationship with your ex.

That means that you need to back off and allow him to run free for a while. I know you’ve developed some wife reflexes over the years, but you’re going to have to rein them in. Remember that you’re now on friendly terms, but you ARE still separated, so act like it. Trust me, this is going to make sense in a second and it will pay off big in the long run.

4. Be nice, but don’t become his doormat

wife comforting husband by bed

A major mistake a lot of women make is thinking that in order to win their husbands back, they need to turn into “Mrs. All Nice, All The Time”. Nothing could be farther from the truth. How nice you’re also depends on who was really at fault. Usually the cheating spouse will carry more “sorry” around and try to make their beloved feel far more loved than before.

Turning into a yes-wife will backfire in multiple ways: he will not believe you’re sincere first of all, but most importantly, he will start taking you for granted and he will not value what you represent. Retain your worth!

To put it bluntly, he will just not respect you as much. I know it’s harsh, but I am a believer in being realistic.

If there’s anything you should have learned in biology, it’s that at their core, men are hunters by nature. They love the chase and the game and they will never settle for something that comes easy.

And you, my friend, come easy to him if you’re too nice. That’s right, by waiting on him hand and foot, you’re actively driving him away, because you’re making yourself seem undesirable and allowing him to walk all over you. That’s counterproductive both for your self-respect and for your ultimate goal of getting your man back.

This may not be obvious to either of you as it happens, but under the surface – that is what is playing out in his mind.

Instead, play hard to get. That’s right, it’s a bit “teenager-ish”, but so what? Now is the time to use all of your skill-set. What have you got to lose at this point? Also, please note that I do not suggest you go from talking it out with him after apologizing, to discussing plans, to acting giddy all within a short time span.

This may take months or years. What is important is that you want to keep the relationship lines open and be nice to him. Don’t bring up unsavory details from the past, etc.

But at the same time, make it very clear that you’re living your own life now, that you’re doing really well and that he is no longer your reason to live. Switching up the status quo will take him by surprise and make him pay attention – and you will notice the difference if he truly wants to be with you again.

Time will give you the answers and clarity you need once you put these steps into motion.

5. Don’t smother him

wife smothering husband phone call

I’m going to continue now with this same idea of “switching it up” and I urge you to play it cool. Whatever you do, don’t smother him. Mark my words, this is the one thing men hate the most in the world: when women smother them, nag them and generally don’t give them space.

The more you try to hang on, the more he tries to wiggle himself out. The more you push, the more he pulls and you can easily see how this can result in overall frustration and possibly even depression (WebMD has a lot on the topic). I discuss this in my book: Source of Attraction.

Want to know how to win a guy over?

Paradoxically, you can do it by leaving him alone. Yep, that’s right; it’s that simple. Just leave him be. Don’t ask questions, don’t keep tabs on him, don’t act jealous, don’t even trash-talk that bimbo he cheated on you with (even though you may have the urge to do it and I don’t blame you).

Show him that he can have all the space he wants with you – that will bring him back to you in time. Make sure he knows that you’ll grant it to him.

The no smothering rule is especially important if you were the one who was unfaithful. It is understandable for your desire to keep him close and demonstrate how sorry you are and how much you love him, but all your eagerness is driving him farther and farther away.

Keep yourself in check and he will come to you sooner, rather than later. Go overboard and you drive him directly into another woman’s arms. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

6. Don’t let him catch a whiff of your desperation

wife wants to get her husband back after separation

That over-eagerness I mentioned earlier? Around these parts, we call it like it is: desperation. What you need to know right now is that a man will always be able to sniff your desperation from a mile away. The problem is that he doesn’t need to figure it out from so far away, when you’re getting in his face all the time, begging him to give you another chance. Attractive, huh? Not at all.

Look, I am familiar with the temptation to beg and plead with him to stay and try to make it work, but that will just make you look bad. Women try that a lot and it will not work. It’s a natural reaction, yes – but if you need to beg the man who is supposed to be your husband, to stay with you – something is REALLY wrong.

You’ll look weak and desperate and making a scene will not change his mind. Instead, it will drive him away so fast, that it’ll make your head spin. A good rule of thumb is not to try anything overly dramatic because it will not go down well. In fact, let’s lay down some ground rules:

  • Don’t cry
  • Don’t beg
  • Don’t make dramatic gestures, like getting on your knees
  • Don’t show up at his house
  • Don’t “visit” him at work
  • Don’t call him

Let me tell you a short story

I knew a woman who was dumped by a man she loved very much. Needless to say, she was devastated and in her stupor, she did everything she could think of to get him back.

Unfortunately for her, this included openly sobbing in front of him, begging on her knees, calling him way too many times and sending long letters. Did she get him back? Nope. But she did get known as the “psycho ex.” Learn from her mistakes.

7. Don’t fall into old patterns

wife and husband falling into bad habits

Now, this point is very important, so I’m going to need you to pay attention. Once you were able to get close again and maybe even rekindle a possible romance, you need to be extremely careful to remember that this is, essentially, a new relationship, or at very least, an improved one.

What does that mean? That means you are going to work hard NOT to repeat the same mistakes that drove you apart in the first place. I cannot stress enough how important it is not to fall into old patterns.

*Note: This may not apply to 100% of the cases out there, so please take some time to reflect upon your personal situation.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results – remember this, it’ll be relevant shortly.

It’s so easy to just revert to the status quo; you won’t even feel it happening. You’ll enjoy one week of giddiness and then the next thing you know, you are back to ignoring each other, not communicating, not having sex, etc. If you aren’t doing anything differently, then why in the world would you think things will not turn out the exact same way as they did before? Do you agree that it’s insanity?

Good. Now that we’re on the same page, we can start talking about what you should be doing and that is making an effort. Yes, both of you. If you want to save your marriage, you should actively and consciously avoid the mistakes you once made and focus on keeping the relationship fresh, happy and healthy. That’s the best marriage advice anyone could give you at this point in time. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it if you are serious about staying married to your husband.

After a separation – both people need to change their behavior in order for it to work again. The one who was hurt needs to now become far stronger than they ever were and the one who is asking for forgiveness needs to drastically change their mindset, morals and outlook on how they approach life.

Which one are you?

8. Work on your issues

couple talking by fireplace

Okay! You’ve decided that you are not going to repeat the mistakes you’ve made in the past. So, what are you going to do now? Well, you are going to work on your issues. Yeah, it’s not easy, because it involves the two of you admitting your own faults and making efforts to repair your damaged relationship. And as you will know, admitting that you wronged someone (particularly someone you love) is a real bitch.

Deciding to work on your issues is what I like to call a grownup thing to do. You must own up to your mistakes and what went wrong because that’s the only way you can move on and make things better.

  • Are you aware of the fact that you never used to pay attention to your spouse?
  • Did he ever complain about the fact that you don’t seem to listen to him or understand him?

Ask yourself these questions and reflect on them.

You know what you need to do.

Admitting it is the first step (yep, exactly like a 12-step program) and then you can move on to repairing the marriage that was damaged by years of neglect or miscommunication (if that is indeed the case). Not to mention the fact that he will be super impressed (and want to impress you) and touched by this display of maturity and good will.

This is especially true even if you didn’t do anything wrong.

What I want you to do is make a list of the ways in which you wronged your husband and the ways in which he wronged you. With this, you possess a clear idea of what exactly needs to be worked on and with this list, you’ve got an action plan. Remember, you need to know what is wrong in order to fix it. Make sense?

9. See a marriage counselor

wife and husband with marriage counselor

It’s entirely possible for you and your husband to resolve your problems between the two of you, but if that doesn’t work or you don’t know where to start, then I suggest marriage counseling. No, don’t make that face I know you’re making right now. Marriage counseling is not as bad as it sounds.

It’s a bit like going to a shrink, but it will help you in ways you may not experience otherwise. Counseling is good for you as a couple and for each of you as individuals. It has an entire host of benefits:

  • The counselor is neutral and can offer an objective point of view
  • The counselor can help you identify your issues
  • You have a safe space in which you can air your grievances
  • The counselor is experienced, and they know how to solve best the problems you are facing
  • Neither side “wins”, since you are on neutral territory
  • You are way less likely to dissolve into a usual fight
  • You learn new techniques and coping mechanisms to help you work on your sensitive areas

Yeah, convincing a guy to go to marriage counseling is not going to be easy (I can hear him now: “It’s gonna cost me HOW much?!“), but the promise of a neutral third party that will listen to both of you will appeal to him.

Men often feel like they are misunderstood and that they lose in marriage no matter what, because most of them are poor communicators on intimate matters. Well, no longer, because a counselor can help your husband express exactly what he means and they can help the two of you overcome your problems.

Depending on your situation, it may be free or not and if it’s not, it may not be cheap, but for the tremendous help they offer, the price is definitely right. What is better than getting your husband back to how he used to be?

10. Don’t let your emotions overwhelm you

emotions taking control of woman

Finally, I want to talk about your feelings and emotions. A great deal of my work talks about emotions and how they dictate a lot of the decisions we make in life. Emotions are very important.

I know they run high, especially during and after a divorce. Separations are messy, heartbreaking and they generally take a toll on your sanity.

It is vitally important for you not to allow your emotions to get the best of you. That means that you should rein them in and if you can’t, learn how to control them more. Start with the baby steps; no dramatic declarations, no over the top demonstrations of love or hate, no shouting things, no hitting and screaming, no promising undying love. Basically, whatever you are feeling right now, zip it!

I know this is about love, but you must allow your mind to lead you, instead of your heart (at least in this situation). If you have told yourself, “I want to get my husband back!“, then you need to think about a logical approach instead of late night sobbing phone calls. One will bring him back, the other will not.

It is not easy and no one said it would be – but it is possible to succeed.

No matter what you are feeling and how you are dying on the inside, don’t let your husband see it on your face. You have to keep your game face on, your poker face or whatever kind of face you want, as long as he can’t tell what you are thinking. He should come back when you act in this manner.

You have to keep things mysterious and let him wonder what you are thinking, what you are feeling and whether or not you are thinking about him.

They’d never admit it, but men are consumed by the same kind of thoughts women are:

  • “Does she think about me?”
  • “I wonder if she fantasizes about sex with me, now that we’ve broken up.”
  • “Is she seeing someone else?”
  • “Has she moved on?”
  • “I wonder if she still loves me.”

This works to your advantage because it pushes him to make the first move towards a possible reconciliation. This is how to get your husband back. He is curious and he is longing for you, and you are going to keep it light and casual. Remember that slow and steady wins the race. And as long as he can’t tell what your over-the-top emotions are, you have the upper hand.

There you have it! Winning your husband back is something that may seem down right impossible at times, but which is totally doable if you know the right moves and if you are both somewhat willing to work at it. I’ve perfected this strategy over years of trial and error and it truly is an honor for me to share it with you. Hey, someone has to, right? All you have to do is keep your head cool and follow the steps outlined above.

You have to remain patient, don’t get ahead of yourself and most important of all, don’t scare him off.

Men have a tendency to run for the hills as soon as they smell drama, so you’d better hide it well. Work at it slowly and steadily and keep your eyes on the prize. Sooner or later, you’ll get your marriage and your husband back on track, right where you want it. Good luck and please share your thoughts below!

Bring Your Husband Back Today

I will show you what he really thinks about you, how to make him passionate again, how to get inside his mind, & so much more!

About the Author

Blayne Ketcham offers a ton of dating advice & a relationship program for women. After going through his free email-advice series, you'll understand how men think & what they truly desire. You'll also discover how to connect with any man using one simple method. This blog contains general thoughts and ramblings about relationship problems.

follow me on:

Leave a Comment:

Kay says February 13, 2017

I found your points to be helpful, at least for the moment. After 13 years of marriage my husband decided he needed space to figure himself out. Yes, I was the stay-at-home mom/ student that was needy all the time. I missed all the signals he was throwing along the way. It wasn’t until he shocked me with “I want to separate” that I came to realize that my marriage had been rocky for years. It’s only been two weeks since the actual separation and I’m finding it hard to wait. I’m trying the ignoring part, and noticed he started to seek me out. We have an 8 year old son so complete ignoring is impossible, but for the most part I’ve stopped the constant calling or texting. Thank you for your post, it will help me at least with getting through today.

Aileen says February 16, 2017

Absolutely EXCELLENT!!! I read and will try to apply every word!!! Thank you

    Blayne Ketcham says February 17, 2017

    Hi Aileen,

    I wish you the best and thank you for the kind words.

Faith says February 28, 2017

My husband and I have been separated for 7 months. He was adamant about getting a divorce and refused to discuss reconciliation. He told me he no longer had any feelings for me. I scoured the internet for anything I thought could help save my marriage and I came across this strategy. I started noticing small changes in him about two weeks in. And at 30 days he agreed to put the divorce on hold and has decided to attend individual therapy (something he said he didn’t need)! He even told me he loved me, called me by an endearing name, and told me he still thought of us doing things together. Wait, what?!?! Complete turnaround. When I told my therapist about my strategy she didn’t believe it could truly work. You can make yourself and your marriage more attractive to your spouse by engaging in positive behavior. All situations are different and I can’t make any promises but this strategy is definitely worth a try. My advice is to stay cool and remain patient. There were many times I had to bite my tongue or had to stop myself from sending an angry text. There will be lots of times when you will want to give up…don’t!!!

Alex Sartoga says March 18, 2017

Thank you for this advice. My husband suddenly and sort of a 48 hour whirlwind told me he wanted a divorce and moved out. Since then he’s blocked me and all of my friends on Facebook, he has not communicated with me in anyway in the past four days. It’s impossible for me to communicate to him how I want to work on the marriage. I’m not sure at this point what to do. Thank you for your help.

sailakshaya says March 22, 2017

Fantastic !!!

    Blayne Ketcham says April 25, 2017

    Thank you!

IBITOLA says March 31, 2017

I love this and i will make use of it.

    Blayne Ketcham says April 25, 2017

    Hi Ibitola,

    Excited to hear it. Let me know how it goes.

Mimi says April 6, 2017

Very interesting. I subscribed just not sure If i follow the steps correctly.

    Blayne Ketcham says April 25, 2017


    Feel free to send me an email in response to anything that may be confusing you.

Anonymous says April 6, 2017

My husband moved out in early March and now has an apartment of his own. I did cry at first but soon after I congratulated him on the courage it took to make that decision and I even apologized for taking him for granted and other specific things that I knew I had done to damage our relationship. He had told me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. He now comes over a few times a week to see our daughter who is 7. If I am there, he is usually with me instead of with her, which confuses me as does the bear hug I get from him when he arrives as well as when he leaves. I call him every night at his request so that he can say goodnight to her and after she gets off the phone he stays on with me to tell me about whatever comes into his head. When he is emotional and depressed, I stay on the phone and listen but when he is in a good mood, I cut the call short and tell him that I have things to take care of. I have been cleaning out my apartment and de-cluttering a lot since he left and he came over and noticed. He even offered to help me move some heavy furniture if necessary. I thanked him for the offer and told him that I would let him know. I don’t text him and I don’t call him unless it’s for our daughter’s goodnight. I don’t cry in front of him and I don’t ask him about coming back home. He has mentioned to my sister that he is angry at me for all of the things that I did and for a lot of things that I didn’t do. I am aware of those things and I am working on being a better person, not just because of him but because it is the right thing to do. I don’t want to be the person I had become anymore. I wanted to be a better me. I am currently working on distracting myself from the loneliness that I feel after being with him for almost 15 years. I am trying to get re-interested in my old hobbies. It’s not easy but then I didn’t think it would be. I am hoping and praying that keeping my distance will eventually make him come around and begin talking about things with the goal of working on our marriage. I don’t want to divorce and according to him, he just doesn’t know how he feels about anything right now. He said that we just need to wait and see how this pans out. He moved out because he needed time and space to sort out what was going on in his head and that is what I am giving him. Time and space.

Sue Ang says April 10, 2017

I read everything. I think im on the right path… 😊 Thanks for sharing.

    Blayne Ketcham says April 25, 2017

    Hi Sue,

    That’s great to hear! Would be interested in hearing your story.

Giuliana says April 17, 2017

Hello Blayne,

I absolutely loved reading this. I am in such a tricky situation and have been using these principles. My husband had filed for divorce about a month ago and we have been separated since January and he states that he is no longer in love with me. We agreed to be friends through the process so we end on good terms. We started divorce mediation several weeks ago. I really do not want this divorce and do feel in my heart that we can repair our marriage. I told him that I love him and want him to be happy and if this is what he feels is right for him then I support him. I have had severe issues with depression and anxiety in the past that have caused me to lash out at my husband and he got the point where “enough is enough.” As a result of all of this my therapist got me into an outpatient program and it has done wonders for me and my issues with emotion regulation. My husband has seen a change, but of course is still nervous that old behaviors would arise. I just recently started staying at my home again during the work week and things have been fine. We do act like very good friends and he offers to get me dinner when he’s out and even reached out to me on Saturday to tell me something funny he did. I do feel sexual tension between us, and obviously do not want to act on it at this time. I am just not sure what to do anymore. I am treating him with kindness and compassion and thank him for all the things that he does to help me out and let him know I appreciate him and his kind attitude during the divorce. He states that he did not feel appreciated during the marriage because I did not verbalize it and I am doing my best to change that now (it actually feels good to verbalize it). I just don’t know if I am on the right path and if there is any hope. We are communicating better now than we ever have before. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much

Grace says April 22, 2017

Thank you! I read it all and it really spoke to me. Very good, down to earth advice especially about playing it cool because it’s true that men hate drama. Apologising was great advice too and looking at it as a totally new relationship after separation. I totally agree and I’ve been remembering and applying your awesome advice about working on the issues that caused the separation and being friendly , fun and cool.

    Blayne Ketcham says April 25, 2017

    Thank you Grace. Please let us know how you get along.

Dolly says June 1, 2017

Very well written. Thank you for this insight.

    Blayne Ketcham says June 1, 2017

    Thank you Dolly. I wish you all the best.

Aniyah says June 8, 2017

I’ve been doing this for almost a week now but really hard with kids he left on 5th may things got really bad but as last Friday I applied these not sure what he think but befor the no contact he was giving me mixed signals ect saying to me I can’t change the way I feel this is the third time now he left me we have children marrid ect i don’t no if it really the end of us I don’t but also confused by one min he says somthing next he says leave it to god it’s like mind games so I’ve let be now c the kids ect

    Blayne Ketcham says June 15, 2017

    There is a clear pattern of behavior here if this is the 3rd time this has happened.

carole thorndyke says September 9, 2017

I have read this so trying to to do what is in here all I can do is hope after 25 years with him that he comes back

Janine says September 14, 2017

Great advice thank you!
Only problem is I’ve already sent him lots of long txts apologising etc…i haven’t seen him in 9mths & when so saw him I broke down & it all hit me. I’ve apologised loads since bit now I’m giving him space. Just hope I can get him back !! I j

Hopeful... says November 24, 2017

This has supported a lot of what I’ve been doing. My husband had an affair with a coworker and is currently at his parents trying to work out what he wants. He’s not with her or me at the moment and it’s KILLING me. I’m trying very much to keep a lid on my emotions, and when he told me the other night we was going out with work friends as I was leaving, I panicked and cried in private. When I returned to pick up kids he reassured me that he wanted to send me pics of the men he was out with so he didn’t think he was being shady. He volunteered this information. I’m very much concentrating on myself and hoping he comes back to me, as I love him very much. I just hope he does make some moves towards a relationship with me at some stage. I fear he may not.

Vicky says December 26, 2017

I did the drama the first couple of weeks as I had no idea why things had gone so wrong so quickly after 29 years. I behaved badly and needy. He failed to respond to anything I tried which made me worse. Items like this are so informative. I feel so much better since ‘I took the foot off the accelerator’ stopped trying to contact him, he came and joined us for Christmas dinner. I never allowed myself to believe he would actually do that. I am playing things cool, taking each day as it comes, I am prepared to invest that time.

    Blayne Ketcham says December 28, 2017

    So glad to hear this Vicky. Please let us know how it goes on.

Sarah says January 5, 2018

I am hoping your advice will work for me – verging on divorce after 3 years separation. My husband got together with a very sick and high needs partner after 3 months of our splitting up and spent 2.5 years with her. I haven’t had anyone else. We recently met again and the spark and love is definitely still there but his pride is getting in the way. I want to play it cool but am scared that he will allow his doubts to take over. So want to have another chance.

Sarah says May 20, 2018

Me and my husband have recently separated! I have spent the last week doing all the things you have said not to do! Cry, beg etc… I’m now going to apply all your advice and have saved it to my favourites in my phone.
Let’s hope it works.

    Blayne Ketcham says June 15, 2018

    Please let us know how it goes Sarah and I hope the best for you.

Karen burke says July 10, 2018

Thank you I will try very hard to achieve my goal of getting my husband back from another woman.

Add Your Reply